Can Some One Find Me The Fates so I Can Kick Their Asses...

http://www.jsonline.com/news/obituaries/40401132.html

[copy+pasted from Sheezyart]

Words can't even begin to describe the last few days, but I feel the need to try my best.

I attended Laura's funeral last Saturday. I didn't even plan on making through the school day, so my mom gave me permission to stay home until the service. Greg's dad gave us a ride to the synagogue, where everyone of the parking places was filled, spilling out onto the roadsides and nearby chapel's parking lot; every street corner clustered with people. We both entered the sanctuary and found 2 other friends to sit with.

As people continued to pour in, we stood, giving up our seats to those looking for seats. Even then, people were standing on every side of the synagogue, literally hundreds of people there to bid Laura farewell.

I hate to say it, but I kept telling myself it wasn't Laura in the casket, that it couldn't be sweet, innocent, smart, kind Laura lying there. I only thank the family for deciding on a closed casket ceremony.

The ceremony was a moving experience, though very heart wrenching. I don't believe there was a dry eye in the house, from those who knew her well. I know Laurel and I began to cry. Greg caught sight of the family from where he was standing when they left, and when I went to give him a hug, he completely broke down in my arms. Seth came over and helped comfort the both of us.

That for me was probably the hardest part of all this...seeing my best friend, someone who is always upbeat and cracking jokes, so upset.

God, just thinking about it now makes me teary eyed...

The day after though... god, it was terrible. The fake smiles at school, the laughing when I felt like crying, and trying to restrain myself from screaming "Don't you fucking realize she's gone!!"

I find myself randomly crying throughout the day, and really empty and tired... I'm either starving or not hungry at all, I'm not sleeping... I just want this roller coaster to be over. No 15 year old should ever have to face the world's unfairness and cruelty like this...

[/copy+paste]

It's been about a week since, and I'm recovering... I guess this is what people describe as "coming to terms" with it. School still seems like a joke, but I can at least focus on my homework and finish it.

I haven't been drawing much- my creativity has been almost completely shot since. *sighs* I don't know. I have to thank Chris though, he's managed to help me keep my head above water, and drag my ass out of the house when all I really felt like doing was crawling into bed and not coming out for while.

He really has helped me get my life back in order